I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
