We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
