she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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