recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
