like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
