Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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