plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
