Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
