Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
