I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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