some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
