Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
