I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
