whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
