Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
