Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
