I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am available for nakedness
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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