I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
