Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
