My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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