Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
