She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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