Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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