let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
