People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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