I hate your face
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize