Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
