i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
