I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
