It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
