Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
