i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
