and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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