her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
