If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
