Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
