i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
