Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
