I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
