Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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