hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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