I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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