Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
