He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
