apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
