hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
