My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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