drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
