i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
