Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
