I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
