when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My feet surprised me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
